Comments on: Sonja Turbot: Existential Investigator, Page 36

By: Joe

Joe — Wed, 20 May 2009 08:17:58 +0000

I guess this is the problem with not swearing much in real life… and to think that I’m descended from sailors.

Regarding Laura’s language, she was swearing in her first panel but it didn’t show exactly what she was saying. The first swear on this page was meant to be a hissing, contemptuous one, which definitely would have worked better if her face was visible.

Thanks for the critique, both of you.

By: macksting

macksting — Tue, 19 May 2009 06:25:56 +0000

*shrugs* I think it worked. If it worked, though, I guess it didn’t work for everybody, and if it didn’t work, I guess it didn’t not work for me.

By: Burzmali

Burzmali — Mon, 18 May 2009 20:42:54 +0000

It’s the first time she has sworn, so it seems off. She doesn’t seem angry at the end of page 35 but Nick’s line clearly upsets her sending her into the rant in frame 2, so the swearing is expected.

Contrast Sonja and Nick, both have already sworn a couple of times as part of her regular speech, so an odd curse here and there isn’t out of place for them. Laura didn’t swear even when mad enough to kill Nick with eye swords. She is always in control, she doesn’t need to curse to make a point. Once she loses control, she resorts to cursing, that’s cool, I get that, but I didn’t feel that she had reached that point until Nick (unintentionally) tossed salt on the wound in frame 1.

Nick’s final delivery has the same awkwardness, but I can’t judge it with seeing the first frame of the next page, so it still has potential.

Changing the language tone in a comic from little or no swearing, to several ‘fuck’s on a page is a stunt you only get to pull once in a given story. The infamous “I’m the god damn Bat Man!” line is an example that fell flat. I’m not trying to be over-critical, but like in Voles of Dusk, the transition was kind of abrupt and awkward in the same way as the Batman line.

By: macksting

macksting — Mon, 18 May 2009 16:09:40 +0000

I thought it worked fine, read smooth and all that. Here’s my thoughts; I don’t insist I’m more correct or anything, so please accept it in the spirit of reasoned argument or ignore it entirely.
As to switching the first two lines, don’t forget that she’s already in a shoot-first-ask-questions-afterward mood. He walks up and extends a hand, and she says “fuck off.” Seems pretty straightforward to me.
Although as far as I goes, I don’t think the particular uses of swearing were intended to have big flashing lights on them in this case. Hers was angry, but rather defeated; his seemed the anger of somebody who was trying to be helpful and is suddenly feeling uncreative about the whole thing.

By: Burzmali

Burzmali — Mon, 18 May 2009 12:35:31 +0000

I think you still need to work on the delivery of expletives. In a story where the characters aren’t cursing as part of their normal speech, expletives need to have some “pop” or surprise value or it doesn’t really make sense.

For example, I think reversing the first two lines in the is comic works better. Her expression at the end of page 35 isn’t angry, so the “Fuck off.” seems forced, especially since she has yet to swear in the comic. However, I could see her swearing after Nick delivers his line, he’s a bit condescending and it comes off like he is rubbing her errors in her face.

In the third frame where she launches into her tirade, she delivers with a deadpan expression, I don’t know, but I would think she would be more seething with anger and self-loathing by that point.

Swearing in a comic is hard to pull off because it’s hard to yet to kick a spoken curse delivers. Even “the God-damned Batman” has problems with it.