Here Comes Mommy
One of the first things you learn as a middle school teacher is that you shouldn’t take anything the students say personally. Yesterday one of the little dears hit me with my least favorite question of the past thirteen months.
“What’s your baby’s family name?”
This was not the first time I’ve been asked this. I hate it. The question itself isn’t really to blame. It could be a perfectly good question, at another time and in another place. It’s the context that makes it feel like a knee to the gut.
Instead of answering then directly I often ask the students why they think this is a reasonable question. Unfortunately, being students, they usually reply honestly. “Hewitt” sounds funny. It’s not even a proper surname. Korean people can’t be called “Hewitt”. How will Sean ever make any friends with a name like that?
Over the years I’ve built up a fairly thick skin to being The Other. I haven’t yet gained any resistance to hearing my son addressed as The Other. This really ought to be a teachable moment- one of the reasons we have foreign teachers in the schools now is so that students can get exposed to other cultures. Times like this I don’t know what I’m doing.
Never mind the fact that I wonder if they aren’t right. This is something that Eunsuk and I discussed a lot before Sean was born. We decided to go the blandest route possible- follow the cultural default of both Korea and Canada and give him his father’s name. Have we inadvertently called our son Sue?
September 23rd, 2009 at 6:59 am
A lot of asian families in the US have a similar problem with given names, but they typically can find one that has a reasonable analog in both their native language and english. I’d think that foreign media would be the largest factor in accepting new and different naming patterns.
September 23rd, 2009 at 7:31 am
My little sister’s middle name is Naomi precisely because my mother knew a woman named Naomi when she was an exchange student to Japan (mostly but not only Okinawa) who was very close to her heart. Somehow, though, I think this is more “acceptable,” not the least because it’s a middle name rather than a given or surname.
My wife and I are going largely bland routes with our kid. S/he’s going to be The Other in an “Anthropologist On Mars” sense in all likelihood; why make it worse?
Even so, I wonder. Here on the west coast of the US, there’s a large asian population. I’m not -used- to people being unable to cope with “weird” names. I don’t know how to pronounce Eunsuk, but I don’t actually consider that a flaw in the -name,- and given the demographic breakdown where I live, I don’t think most other folks do either.
I’m inclined to say it’s also demographic, Burzmali. One doesn’t need a Ricardo Montalban, in my opinion, for the local population to get used to pronouncing Hernandez and Ortiz.
September 23rd, 2009 at 9:00 am
I think, as long as you and Eunsuk support Sean with whatever voyages he takes, he’ll be fine. Growing up cross culture can be very painful (speaking from experience from the other side of the cracked mirror), but you’ll have a guide, and globalization means it’s not as completely alien to all the people involved. Good luck!
September 24th, 2009 at 2:25 am
Korean society had not enough foregin cultural influence and sometimes Koreans can be very ignorant to
people who is not Koreans.
As a Korean, I’m really sorry.
September 24th, 2009 at 5:21 am
Jerry- thanks.
Godwind_Dora- No worries. Life in Korea has been very good for me and my family, overall. Every country has a few rough edges; we don’t always treat outsiders with respect in Canada, either.
September 24th, 2009 at 8:44 am
The interesting part of leaving in Boston is that no matter how poor someone’s English is, there is a fairly decent chance that their family has been in Boston longer than yours